Many parents worry about what their children eat or don't eat and how best to deal with picky eating behavior. Here are 14 tips for clear rules and routines to keep mealtimes harmonious and avoid mealtime conflicts.
# 1: Respect your child's appetite, or lack of appetite
If your child is not hungry, you should not force them to eat a meal or snack. You should also not push or force your child to eat certain foods or to finish their plate. This would only spark - or intensify - a power struggle over food. In addition, the child may then associate mealtimes with anxiety and frustration. It is best to serve them small portions that they can finish easily so as not to overwhelm them and give them the opportunity to ask for more on their own.
# 2: Minimum diet for a child up to about 5 years (Dr. Brazelton):
If you're worried about your child not eating much, remember that young children can do well on a minimal diet of surprisingly little food:
half a liter of MILK PRODUCTS: milk/ yogurt/ cheese/ milk ice cream or 250g cheese, z. e.g. 1 day: muesli with milk + 1 yoghurt + cheese (the size of a small matchbox!)
100 g protein (+ iron): Fish, meat, egg, cereals/bread, beans/lentils or 1 iron supplement, e.g. 1 day: 1 egg + some wholemeal bread/fish/beans/veal/meat
50 g fresh fruit/fruit juice, e.g. 1 day: ½ glass of orange juice or ½ apple/orange, some grapes
1 (piece) vegetables or 1 multivitamin tablet, e.g. 1 day: a few peas, some carrot/tomato/cucumber/broccoli, ...
# 3: Create a supportive atmosphere at mealtimes
It is important that a child can remain seated for a while so that they can focus their attention on the food, their feeling of hunger, taste and texture and recognize when they are full. Therefore, you should create an environment that supports the child, with a suitable chair and table (height, space, light) and a calm eating atmosphere, with the expectation that they will remain seated while eating. It is advisable to teach the child to sit down FIRST before YOU give them food or drink, and to prevent wandering around with food or drink.
# 4: Set helpful rules for meals
In order for your child to learn to sit at the table long enough to eat their fill, it is important that they develop a sense of when they are full (and don't stop eating or get up as soon as they are no longer hungry, i.e. after a few bites). So eat with your child and expect them to stay seated until „mummy's tummy is full“, i.e. at least 10 minutes at first and 20-30 minutes later.
# 5: Creating and maintaining routines
Establish a routine with regular mealtimes during the day. It takes 3-4 hours before a child feels hungry, i.e. is ready to eat. Serve meals and snacks at about the same time every day, or in the case of a fussy eater: always in the same place. Provide juice or milk with meals and offer water between meals and snacks. Allowing the child to drink juice or milk throughout the day, or too much water, will reduce their appetite for meals.
# 6: Be patient with new foods
Young children often touch or smell new foods and may even put tiny pieces in their mouths and spit them out again. A child needs to touch a food repeatedly (at least 9 times or more! Some say up to 19 times!) before taking the first bite, eating and swallowing. Encourage your child by talking about the color, shape, smell and texture of the food, not whether it tastes good. It is also very important to always serve new foods along with the child's favorite foods.
# 7: Provide table waste garbage can or spittoon bowl
Allow the child to spit out food they don't like by providing them with a „spit cup/spittoon“ or „table bucket“ on the table (e.g. a large empty yogurt pot: the ‚out of sight‘ of a tall container is important!). This way, the child can feel more confident to try new foods without fear of having to swallow them. Later, this can be replaced with a more socially acceptable „spit napkin“.
# 8: Use your imagination to make it fun
You can be imaginative and serve broccoli and other vegetables with a favorite dip or sauce, cut the food into different shapes with cookie cutters, make a mountain of mashed potatoes with broccoli trees, cauliflower sheep and orange carrot flowers. You can offer breakfast foods for dinner, and a variety of colorful foods (e.g. carrots, peas, red peppers) and use them to make a face or picture.
# 9: Involve the child as a helper
In the supermarket, ask your child to help you choose fruit, vegetables and other healthy foods. Don't buy anything you don't want your child to eat. At home, encourage your child to help you rinse, peel and cut vegetables, stir dough, shake salad dressing in a jam jar... and set the table, with place mats, napkins, cutlery and empty plates and cups for everyone (and not just themselves!), a jug of water, - and maybe even a vase of flowers or a candle so there's something else to look at and talk about.
# 10: Leading by example
If you eat a varied and healthy diet yourself, your child will follow suit. If you set the table with serving bowls from which everyone helps themselves, the child can see what and how much others are eating, how much food is left, who likes what, etc. It is advisable to serve no more than 3 to 4 different dishes that also contain „the child's food“ instead of serving special or different dishes.
# 11: Be creative
You can add chopped broccoli or kale to spaghetti sauce, pieces of fruit, sprouts or grated zucchini and carrots to muesli or casseroles and soups.
# 12: Minimize distractions
Turn off the TV and other electronic devices during mealtimes. This helps the child to focus on eating and on mealtime conversations and communication with each other. Keep in mind that TV commercials also stimulate your child's cravings for sugary/unhealthy foods. Until healthy sitting and eating habits are established, make sure that attractions such as the child's scooter or other toys are put away out of sight and reach.
# 13: Do NOT offer dessert as a reward
Denying a child dessert sends the message that dessert is the better food, which will only increase their craving for sweets. Maybe you can suggest dessert once or twice a week and skip it the rest of the week - or redefine dessert as fruit, yogurt or other healthy foods.
# 14: Do NOT become a fast food chef
Preparing a separate meal for your child as soon as they refuse the original meal will encourage fussy eating. Help your child to stay at the table during the scheduled mealtime (initially 10 minutes), even if they are not eating. Keep offering your child healthy dishes until they know and prefer them.
A few more ideas:
- If you are concerned that picky or fussy eating is affecting your child's growth and development, the first thing you should do is consult your pediatrician.
- It is also advisable to write down the type and amount of food your child eats for three days. The overall picture can help you to allay or better categorize your concerns. A food diary can also help your child's doctor to identify any problems.
- At the same time, remember that your child's eating habits won't change overnight - but the small steps you take every day can help them to eat healthily for a lifetime.
